Posts Tagged ‘dating’
Protected: love letter … leave letter
Thursday, December 16th, 2010Protected: Make it stop!
Thursday, December 16th, 2010Protected: Hello Stranger
Tuesday, October 12th, 2010Suddenly
Saturday, September 18th, 2010It hits me hardest when I am in a bad mood on a coldish day. I really am lonely sometimes… most of the time? It is just that I can usually hid it from myself pretty well. I even miss Jeremy more on days like today, mostly because when I am wrapped in his arms I feel safe secure and protected. I know that is all an illusion… and I do get the same feeling of being safe and secure when I am sleeping next to Nick.
But tonight I have no one to come home to, no one to curl up with and a daughter that I lost it with again. It is one of those days that I feel unworthy of the ‘mom’ title… or where I want to just quit, not that I ever really WOULD… it is just one of those days.
Sometimes I think maybe sex will help me feel better. But that doesn’t help THIS… there are many things it DOES help though *grin*. It really doesn’t make me feel any better about WHO I am, all these people that want to fuck me. And the ones who want to take care of me… well I almost feel sorry for them, because all they make me want to do on days like today is stomp on them. I do not ever want someone to shoulder the burden for me, sometimes I just want a no strings attached hug. Wow… I just had a thought that explains why I am so poly-amorous … Who in the world could be everything I need them to be, how could it even be fair to ask, and why would I want to settle for less than everything I desire?
I really am a selfish bitch at times… I love it!
Protected: Dating sites
Tuesday, September 14th, 2010I’ve been thinking
Tuesday, September 14th, 2010You know… when we started this I thought we would play for the summer and you would go back down to California. I am excited that you are staying in Washington, and going to school close. But we never really talked about relationship parameters and all that good stuff… You know like the; is this a just us thing, is it open, are we going to keep seeing each other when you go to school, is this just sex, are you going to expect me to remember your birthday … that kinda thing. But I don’t really know where to begin. You see, I really like you. I totally want to keep you. Though that also comes with a but, because you are so young so new with the whole never made your own food thing. You need to live and play and grow and be… and to bring that statement full circle, I guess that is how I feel about getting in to any relationship. I don’t want to tie you down (outside of the bedroom), though I am not even sure I know what that even means. I want to keep seeing you, but I don’t want anything I do when you are not here to upset you simply because we didn’t talk about it.
Obviously I have no clue what I want… and while I am ok with this I kinda wanted to make sure you were too, make sure we are on the same page and all that good stuff.
Now… all I have to do is talk about this, out loud… UH!
Protected: Shit’s Complicated
Monday, September 13th, 2010Aw hell, why not?
Thursday, August 12th, 2010How it is that the one person who can make me feel so comforted and protected just by putting his arms around me, is also the one we all know isn’t good for me. I am still amazed at how I feel in his arms, and how turned on I am by his kisses. Shit, we were together for a year and he still makes my knees weak and my heart pound. There is this level of comfort between us… and I can read him so well. It helps that the sex is amazing, but some of that is how I feel about him.
Before everyone freaks out… I am not getting back together with my ex. He is just kinda, uh… coming around every once in a while. For fun. For comfort. For company. He did sleep in my bed, and I did have to change the sheets so I couldn’t smell him because that would make me miss him. I don’t want to miss him. I was to dismiss the fun once I have had it. If it happens again, it happens… if not so be it. I know there is just as much of a chance that I will see him again next week as there is of not hearing from him for 3 months. *shrug* And life goes on.
In other news: The more good, fun sex I have the more good, fun sex I want. I may be going crazy.
I got called a MILF Muahahahahaaa! That is hot (and he is STILL so freaking young)
I also got called beautiful by a guy who makes me melt a little. He is gorgeous and fun and sexy. All around quite yummy.
My life fucking rocks right now… and that makes me want to squash the little voice in the back of my head that is reminding me that what goes up must come back down. I tell that voice it can kiss my ass, and if it is very very good, it can also bite me.
Well fuck
Friday, July 30th, 2010No… seriously!
Is it something in the air? Did the Dr knock something crooked when she was looking for imperfections (as if I HAVE any)? All I want is sex sex sex… all the time and a lot of it. Cause sex works for a great deal longer than masturbating does… though that is fun too. Tonight didn’t help… I hung out with hot hot hot women and talked about sex, and shaving and relationships (which we all know I stay out of). Could it be just that Rashell is gone and I can have all the loud sex I want…
All I can think lately is that I should write another sex rite… like a group one… for the Collective Us. But I am not sure that even saying that out loud to everyone is a good Idea. And do I really want to go back to the once Upon a Time when I hardly knew anyone I hadn’t had sex with at one point or another?
A friend told me the other day that if I was a man, I wouldn’t be worrying about these kinds of things. As long as things are safe and open and honest everyone wins! But I am not a man… and I am not so sure I would want to be. I really like the emotional attachment I have to the people I allow in to my bed. Though I DO wish I could remove the emotions from the sex when it comes to Jeremy, that way I could call him in to my bed with I want him and be fine with him leaving it.
Oddly enough I was asked yesterday if it was he who initiated the whole sex having… I had to answer with an honest I don’t know. Was asking him to come over and help me out where it started? Him not wanting to let me go when we hugged? Me showing him my new scars (don’t ask)? I am sure that when he pulled he in to his lap and told me he missed me was the point that I knew where it was going to end up… But really, who cares! Would it matter one way or another? Does it matter to me? Bleh… I will just buy more toys, watch more star wars and have more sex and forget about it. It isn’t like he is allowed to come back.
And on a side note, not only have I had a sex filled week but it was GREAT sex… like all of it. Even teaching the little fan boy to use his tongue was amazing. I got him a collar *grin* He kinda makes me want to abuse him in a very very fun way.
I even went out on a date… like a real first date, dinner and everything with no sex. Weird I KNOW, but fun too!
Bring on the FUN!
Date Extravaganza
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010I took someone special on a date yesterday and it turned out to be the perfect day!
First we went out to eat at The Onion. It was great. We talked about our weekends (since we both had very exciting ones) and talked a bit about life and future plans. After lunch we went out to see a movie, we decided on Toy Story 3. The movies was VERY well done, and I got to knit in the theater. After the movie we discussed out options. My date mentioned wanting a Mohawk dyed red and I mentioned that I could do just that, so we walked around the mall for a bit. We found a store that sold puppies, they were SO cute. Then we stopped by Victoria Secret and my date got to help me pick out a new bra. We finally found a beauty supply store and got the ingredients we needed to dye a Mohawk red. As we were leaving I realized that I didn’t have any hairspray at home… Another trip was required. By this time it was dinner time so we went out to dinner at the China Garden (they have the BEST food in this city, and they are willing to make my favorite things Gluten Free!). After dinner we stopped into ShopKo for hairspray, and we both ended up getting a new pair of shoes. Then we headed back to my place where we proceeded to give my lovely date a Fire Red Mohawk and dye my bangs Copper Red.
The best date EVER!
My daughter is so freaking CUTE!
