Did you know that I get really REALLY nervous when I go out? If I drive myself I get all quakey and shivery inside. I worry that the night is not going to go well or that I am going to make myself look stupid and be ashamed in the morning. Once I get to a place I am able to step in to character and go with the flow. I am able to leave my worry at the door, or at least bury it under the persona I put on. I did one hell of an amazing job of putting on the Shannon when I went out the other night! I had a blast, got to kiss a beautiful girl, got to flirt with the help and actually push the straight men who tried to touch me.
I am so nervous when it comes to flirting with women. It matters to me if they say yes or no. That is why men are so easy. I find one that looks like fun and think “Hrm, that would be fun and easy” and go hit on them. And right now I am so nervous about this school thing that I am looking for a … distraction.
I carry around a lot of self doubt and question myself at every turn. I am never sure that I can actually DO anything until it is done. I am also never sure I am worth it to the people I am dating. I am sure that has lead to a lot of selling myself short in the past, but now I have seen what life and relationships can feel like if I DON’T sell myself short. From here on out I act as if I AM worth it! (OK OK OK, so I have always been good at ACTING like I am worth it, I will start feeling like I am worth it!)