Posts Tagged ‘Imagine’

Aw hell, why not?

Thursday, August 12th, 2010

How it is that the one person who can make me feel so comforted and protected just by putting his arms around me, is also the one we all know isn’t good for me.  I am still amazed at how I feel in his arms, and how turned on I am by his kisses.  Shit, we were together for a year and he still makes my knees weak and my heart pound.  There is this level of comfort between us… and I can read him so well.  It helps that the sex is amazing, but some of that is how I feel about him.

Before everyone freaks out… I am not getting back together with my ex.  He is just kinda, uh… coming around every once in a while.  For fun.  For comfort. For company.  He did sleep in my bed, and I did have to change the sheets so I couldn’t smell him because that would make me miss him.  I don’t want to miss him.  I was to dismiss the fun once I have had it.  If it happens again, it happens… if not so be it.  I know there is just as much of a chance that I will see him again next week as there is of not hearing from him for 3 months.  *shrug*  And life goes on.

In other news: The more good, fun sex I have the more good, fun sex I want.  I may be going crazy.

I got called a MILF Muahahahahaaa!  That is hot (and he is STILL so freaking young)

I also got called beautiful by a guy who makes me melt a little.  He is gorgeous and fun and sexy.  All around quite yummy.

My life fucking rocks right now… and that makes me want to squash the little voice in the back of my head that is reminding me  that what goes up must come back down.  I tell that voice it can kiss my ass, and if it is very very good, it can also bite me.

My garden

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

I don’t even think she knows it, but my best friend just paid me the best compliment!  She said that my garden looks like something she would thing to see around an English Cottage.

I have always wanted to live in a little stone cottage (with neighbors far enough away that I could run through fields of wild flowers naked in the sun with my head thrown back in laughter).  I wasn’t planning “cottage garden” or anything when I planted everything.  I just kinda plant things willy nilly till my garden is exploding and I have to start digging things out and moving them, or giving them to other gardens.  I have this idea in my head that I don’t want to plant anything that isn’t worth the water it takes to grow it.  This is why I am slowly getting rid of my grass.  I see grass as such a waste of water!  I will keep the grass on one side of my front yard for picnics and the like… BUT I see that as the land earning it’s water (maybe I should water it then huh?).

I would LOVE to get chickens one day, but I have a hard time taking care of the plants and animals  and people I currently have.  I am prone to lapses in attention that tend to lead to a momentary lack of water.  I am really good with hearty plants!  I am currently planning a shade garden, it will be a flower explosion of bliss to boarder the picnic area.  I would like to hear suggestions on what should go there… I would be looking for useful herbs, anything eatable and bulbs.  The shade garden has partial to full shade areas (the house next door has a HUGE tree) and I need to be able to rake leaves off the plants, so I can’t plant anything fragile.  Though knowing me what will happen is that I just plant what ever tickles my fancy at that moment and I will watch it to see if it can take the shade… the things that can’t will be moved to a more sun location in time for them not to die.

And such is life in the accidental cottage garden that is my home.

THANK YOU Jaspenelle!

Shoulda

Tuesday, June 29th, 2010

I should be cleaning right now, but I have decided it is more important to finish my coffee.

This morning the Universe told me to see each new person I meet as a band new challenge to fall in love.  For the most part that is exactly how I view the world.  I love easily, and often.  I am in love with everyone of my friends from the ones I have just met to the ones I have known since I was 8 to the ones I am about to meet.  Why not?  There is staying power in the people who pull at my heart strings.  I know that our society gets all romantical weird about the saying “I love you”, this I have never understood.  If you are worth my time you are much deserving of my love as well, it shouldn’t make people get all weird and back away slowly (ok ok ok, let me tell you right now that THAT is MY usual reaction when someone tells me they love me).

I Love You has been used many times as a tie, kinda like bondage but not nearly as fun.  The ones that catch me by surprise make me want to throw back my head and laugh.  Then there are the people who really are just passing through, fleeting moments of fun but they just don’t pull at me that way… the staying way.  I don’t see a difference in how I FEEL  about the staying people in my life.  There are some people I have a deeper connection with, but that comes from what we have gone through together.  You would be amazed (I was) at how MUCH a connection to a person can change once you have help their hand through labor, or stood with them at their wedding, or watched them grow and change along side you for the last 20 some odd years.  There is no way to HAVE that kind of connection with someone who recently came in to my life… why should there be.  But I can still love them with the same unconditional well with which I love all my people.

And you are all my people, my family, my lovers (body and spirit), my friends.

There is a magick in that, one that creates a Peace at my center… YOU are all my grounding force.

So, thank you for all that you do.

Thank you for being you!

Stormy

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Oh the things a good Summer Thunder Storm makes me want to do:

Dance naked in the rain

lay in the grass and watch and feel the storm passing

Have soft and slow sex with the rain falling on us

Splash in puddles

Have someone feel the rain all over my skin

SHIT!  I really need to get my gates fixed so I can play outside naked!

Gavin had better show up and fix them… he owes me *smile*

Seattle

Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010

Well… Just WELL!

OK… I drove out there.  The drive was boring, but not as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I even got to listen to the Mexican radio stations!  (We do not have any in Spokane!) As soon as I hit Seattle I found TRAFFIC. Oh how I DO NOT miss traffic.  I only got lost a little (Thank the Universe that I had my mom’s car with the GPS thingy).  I got to the Hotel… some really big expensive one downtown.  I was wearing a white t-shirt, black bra, YELLOW sarong and my sandals.  Oh ya, I totally fit in there.  (I am such a fucking Hippie!)  My sister had to come down to the lobby to get me.

It is always a shock when I see my sister.  We don’t look like we fit together the way we do.  We never really have, but it works well for us.  And the more time I spend with her and Brad the more I like him for her… a lot.  She seems so content and happy with life now. (((HUG))) sis you rock!

Then we went to meet up with some of Brads friends… They were AWESOME.  There were 7 of us at dinner, 3 of them make video games and Sarah knows everything about that business because she lives with Brad.  There was a lot of gaming business talk, but I didn’t mind.  Jason was Hilarious with the way he talks and tells stories.  After dinner we went bar hopping down town.. no really, it went like this.

“You guys totally have to try Unicorn Jizz, it is like happy in a glass”

“Uh, ok lets go” one drink later…

“Let’s go down the way to get Skittles Shots”

“Uh, ok lets go” one shot later…

“Lets go to the Lezzy bar” “Uh, ok lets go” Then we get to the bar and no one wants to go in.  Not that I blame them, the chicks out front were NOT cute… like almost the opposite of cute.  So we went to another bar thing and had Fries and another drink… Then back to the Hotel with plans to meet around 8 so we could get good seats for the parade.

The Parade was the best thing I have ever seen!  Loads of naked people riding bikes on a city street.  How could I NOT fall in LOVE with that city.  Seattle seems to breed (or attract) a special kind of freak, and I love it!  After the naked people there was the Hula Hooping people and the Flying Spaghetti Monster who was converting people by touching them with his noodley appendages.

After the parade we walked around the Fair for a big… I got 2 new Sarongs, and yes one of them is ORANGE!  We saw these art cars.  I can’t wait to show Pics of the Bugs to my baby brother.  I think he will get a kick out of them.  When we left the Fair we had to stop by the Bungie offices and drop someone off to go to work for a bit.  Then we got a tour of Kirkland and the Valve offices (AMAZING!).  After that we went to an Irish pub thing for dinner and drinks and to meet more friends.  After dinner we decided that it would be best to hang out and play a game… Yes, we played Quelf.  This is quite possible THE BEST GAME EVER!  Even if it did take us a bazillion years to drive all over creation to get the game and booze and get to the house.

So, ya… This was the best weekend ever.

Things like this sometimes make me feel like I am missing out on a part of life.  I am single, a mom, and unemployed… not that the unemployed part matters at the moment because I have plenty of income without working.  There is just something about hanging out with kidless couples that makes me feel a bit like an outsider.  They tell stories and when I tell mine they all involve Rashell… I don’t think people without kids understand the funny at that point.

There was also the talk about DragonCon and ComicCon… I so want to go and play and party, but that is not in the cards for my life at the moment.  Though I may very well make it to OryCon if my mom is not in Hawaii!  Maybe I can have my cake and eat it too.  *grin*

In The Middle

Friday, June 11th, 2010

Somewhere in the middle of what has happened before and what I imagine is the realm of possibility.  I spend a lot of time thinking about having sex.  I play out scenarios in my head all the time.  My favored one so far is this:  We are laying in the sauna each on our own bench, in the dark, heat on… Me: “I want you to tell me all the things you want to do to me.” … and you do.  Simple as that… but is that really simple?  Because I have not had a partner in a while who is good at putting future actions in to words.  Trust me, in the previously mentioned scenario we would not remain on separate benches for long.

In my head I am a everyday sex kind of person… but in actuality, there are just some days life makes me too tired to put in the kind of effort it takes to make sex great!  I really don’t miss the drunk party sex… It wasn’t ever all that fun.  Sometimes I miss the feel of a woman… it has been so damn long.  *sigh*

Mmmmmm and sex at the lake house.  So many delicious locations that I have only tried in my imagination… and so many I have memories of.  The lake houses make me hot, there is so much scope for the imagination out there.  One of these years I am going to find time to take a partner (just one? Hrm..) out there and explore the things I imagine out there.  Though that will involve time out there without child, so who knows… I can dream though, can’t I?

Imagination

Friday, June 4th, 2010

Yesterday my imagination ran  away with me.  I had all kinds of sex in my head all day!  And I really do mean all day.  There are other things that I imagine as well… Things like what school will be like and where new people will fit in to my life and how long I will have the current friendships.  (By the way I totally saw us all old and knitting on the porch of the lake house when I saw the pic Jas took of us last weekend) I have imagined up a communal living society where we all raise the kids as a community so the parents don’t have to feel so alone.  I have also imagined what the completed blanket will look like for my brothers baby.  I have imagined a whole life in the last day…

What joyous adventures will today bring?