Posts Tagged ‘men’
Protected: Make it stop!
Thursday, December 16th, 2010Jaded?
Monday, October 18th, 2010Some people’s speeches start with “I have a dream…” mine starts with “I have a friend…”
People without kids get to take longer to get over things. Sometimes I think i am jealous (or maybe it is just the fact that they get to sleep longer and go pee alone). What I do not understand is how a person can be SO heartbroken and just thrashed over a breakup… with a person they were only seeing for 2 months. Or how you can KNOW the end is coming and hang on for dear life, then when it is over act like you had NO IDEA it was coming. I am THAT friend… the one who will point out when you knew, the one who you can cry on. I am also the one who will sweetly tell you to get off your ass and try it again. Just because that didn’t work doesn’t mean there isn’t SOMETHING out there (notice the lack of the use of the word someone) that will get you to happy. There HAS to be, that is the way the Universe works… I am sure the Universe even told me that a time or 2. I am the friend who will have all the answers and refuses to let you wallow while we are talking. I am the one who will point out to you again and again why you knew this was coming and what behavior is self destructive and what behavior is healthy. Me… I am THAT friend.
I am the perpetually single mother, who wants to keep it that way. I am the one who has no intention for “settling down” with anyone while my daughter still lives here. (yes, yes, if I am being perfectly honest… there is ONE person who could change all that, but I am sure we also know how freaking likely THAT is to happen) The longest monogamous committed relationship I have been in lasted a little more than a year. I have only had one person leave me where it tore me to shreds… and that wasn’t all that long ago in the grand scheme of things.
I totally forget where I was going with any of this.
I will just end it here then. Don’t worry, I will be here for you when you call again tomorrow to say all the same things over and over again. I love you, you are family… and I take care of people, it’s what I do.
Speaking of taking care of people, I think I really should sit down and talk about this whole “resurfaced past lover” (ya, lets call it that) situation… soon, right now I am happy and content with it… I am just not sure if I am once again setting myself up for a tumble. But for now I feel really really good about everything.
ALSO – I FUCKING MISS YOU ALL. I am done with Sleepy Hollow… when can get get together? I need group hugs, kid snuggles and your laughter.
Aw hell, why not?
Thursday, August 12th, 2010How it is that the one person who can make me feel so comforted and protected just by putting his arms around me, is also the one we all know isn’t good for me. I am still amazed at how I feel in his arms, and how turned on I am by his kisses. Shit, we were together for a year and he still makes my knees weak and my heart pound. There is this level of comfort between us… and I can read him so well. It helps that the sex is amazing, but some of that is how I feel about him.
Before everyone freaks out… I am not getting back together with my ex. He is just kinda, uh… coming around every once in a while. For fun. For comfort. For company. He did sleep in my bed, and I did have to change the sheets so I couldn’t smell him because that would make me miss him. I don’t want to miss him. I was to dismiss the fun once I have had it. If it happens again, it happens… if not so be it. I know there is just as much of a chance that I will see him again next week as there is of not hearing from him for 3 months. *shrug* And life goes on.
In other news: The more good, fun sex I have the more good, fun sex I want. I may be going crazy.
I got called a MILF Muahahahahaaa! That is hot (and he is STILL so freaking young)
I also got called beautiful by a guy who makes me melt a little. He is gorgeous and fun and sexy. All around quite yummy.
My life fucking rocks right now… and that makes me want to squash the little voice in the back of my head that is reminding me that what goes up must come back down. I tell that voice it can kiss my ass, and if it is very very good, it can also bite me.
Bliss
Sunday, July 18th, 2010Rashell and I had a VERY rough start to our week. I know it was a bit of both of us… but I am the MOM, so I admit to no such weakness. I decided that running TO the lake would be a good way to end the horrid week. My mom happened to be going out there on Thursday so we went over to her house and road out there with her. I also invited Nick to come out after work on Friday. Not only did I want his company but the lake is a great place to forget about and/or sort through any life stress that may be going on… and life is just better all around with good company.
We FINALLY got to the lake on Thursday. My step sister (karina, not the evil one) and her family were there. My mom AND Rashell didn’t like the idea of me staying in the Red Cabin so I got the Basement of the Blue House all to myself. Bob didn’t make it out Thursday night so Rashell slept with my mom… I got to read with a glass of wine and a bowl of stuffed green olives before I went to sleep that night. Utter Bliss!
Friday – I got in the water… right after my one cup of coffee. Wow, talk about COLD. I swam 4 laps between our dock and the next one… and then i was done. needed to get out and warm up. My mom and I spent a lot of time talking… we even talked a bit about Nick (surprisingly she didn’t ask the first question she USUALLY asks, SHE says it is because she already KNEW the answer…) since I told her I had invited him out to the lake. My step sister and Fam left the lake early Friday… Rashell played most of the day with the girls next door and I read a LOT. I completed the Curly Q Scarf… but upon looking at it realized that i had made a mistake somewhere at the beginning so my Mom and i pulled the WHOLE thing out and I started over. Nathan and Bob joined us for dinner (this is around the time my mom told me that Nick wasn’t going to come) and it was great. Nathan is a TON of fun, and interesting to talk to. Nathan and Bob left after dinner and my mom and Rashell and I went out in the Kayaks… but only for a little while. Nick called at some point in the evening and said he was going to head out. I told him the place would be easy peasy to find in the dark. my mom said I am mean. He did find the house. Rashell and mom were already asleep… Nick and i had wine and talked out on the dock under the stars till he was chilly enough that we needed to move inside. All I am going to say about after that is that I went to sleep happy and satisfied. That man is wonderful!
Saturday – Love me some waking up not alone… then it was coffee and more swimming.
Nope, I am done with the play by play of the weekend… who cares what I did one moment to the next. It was a blissful weekend! I really like Nick, he is awesome and I feel so … wonderful (cause that is what comes to mind at the moment) … when I am with him. He is all hot and sexy and unassuming. I am not sure what he is thinking half the time, but I kinda like that. That said… we stayed an extra night after my mom went home since Nick was willing to drive rashell and I back to my car this afternoon. I am a little sun burned and have a couple of sore muscles from playing on the water toys with all the kids, but I feel great…
Critical Fumble
Saturday, June 26th, 2010I had to write to my coach today and tell him I have been ditching my workout for the past week or so. I almost feel like I dropped everything, and I am not even juggling a lot! Maybe I am starting to go mad from this staying at home thing, maybe it is something else. Great goddess I have gone a week without even wanting to have sex! I have not really been sleeping either… Bleh!
OK, so I went to the Dr yesterday because I am long overdue (3 years or something) to get my IUD checked on… apparently the strings are short, but she couldn’t say if that is a bad thing. I have also had the period that never ends (or random bleeding) for the last couple of weeks. On top of that my breast tissue started to feel all soft lumpy and just different. So I went to the Dr, and so you know what they had to say… STOP DRINKING SO MUCH COFFEE. That’s it. Unless something in my pap comes back and says cancer (VERY little chance of that) too much coffee is the issue… or so they think. OK, so I kinda really liked the Dr lady. She also told me to keep up the good work in paying attention to my body and to try and have sex on a regular basis. I almost Hugged her right then and there. And I have to take MORE medication for the stupid infection that will not die (no worries, it is non-transferable)
This whole not working thing, as much as I like to joke that it is great and all, has me totally stressed to the max. And it isn’t money… most people I talk to assume right off that it is money. I have never worried about that and I can afford everything (possibly including flying a friend up here for a couple of weeks). I feel useless. I want to be needed, and necessary. I want someone to depend on ME to get something done. I am highly self motivated, but I fear I am losing some of that as time goes on. I go to bed later and wake up later… I have weeks of laundry that either needs to be washed or folded, my house is a MESS and my garden is being taken over by weeds. I also made an old Shannon asshole comment to someone I really like (it involved the words “dating” … not said by me … and “booty call” … that was me.). My sister told me it was a mean thing to say, true or not.
I need to find my balance in life again… I think I stumbled and lost it.
New quest! OH YA!
Protected: Open means Open
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010My Weekend
Monday, May 31st, 2010Weekend at the lake:: In Quote and Monologue
All by myself:
I read a line in a book today… “It was as satisfying as the sex.” This sums up what my ideal partner will make me feel outside of the “bedroom”.
Is it even possible (or fair) to seek that from one person? I have never had a hard time finding satisfying sex, but I have never found sex from the same people who can satisfy me outside the bedroom.
But then again that is why relationships are open right? So everyone is settled all around.
Then the fun begins: Quotes from the group…
“That’s IT! I am going to pull the duplex kidney card”
“I want mood rings, especially if I marry a woman… Then I will know when she is going to be a bitch”
“Wait… Do you even have the right equipment for me to get on me knees?” ~ a Blank Stare followed this comment.
“I could charge you… but I don’t have to.”
“This is totally hot… You, in the sauna, NAKED, knitting.”
“I appreciate that the walls are not sound proof”
“We were just watching the show, not judging.”
“Do you need me to pretend I have a dick?”
“I like the sound of rope”
“I’m the compact version”
“Do that with a CAT-5 networking cable!”
“It occurred to me that it felt a little small”
“It’s like orange things combined to create orange super power”
“This morning for breakfast we will have Michelle, sunny side up and over easy.”
“After breakfast Bondage… I like it!”
“I don’t think I have had enough champagne or caffeine to deal with this!”
“He is hot, but I am just more interested in myself.”
“I covet her skirt, her camera and her!”
“I love when other people reproduce and it comes out good.”
“If you think you have key lime custard on your shirt you should take it off and check.”
“Pete, we need to build a robot!”
“I can’t think of tractors without iced tea.”
“Sockdreams… that website makes me wet like porn makes other people wet.”
“Shannon, do you want to feel my socks?”
“I just figured out you can masturbate as a chick too.”
“I didn’t realize it would be that big when I pulled it out.”
“It only looked guilty because I had 2 at once.”
“I am not slutty… I am slutacious.”
“Slutacious sounds yummy.”
“There’s a dirty road from Scrabble to rice?”
“If you can’t find it, it’s ok.”
“Whoralicious”
“My engagement ring is trying to lick me.”
“It also helps me fall asleep to touch foreign objects in my arm.”
“I don’t like getting uterus under my nails!”
Thank you ALL so much for making this a wonderful weekend. As I sit here typing this up I am looking out at the rain over the lake wishing I didn’t have to leave here today. Who is joining in the FUN next weekend? I have one more weekend at the Blue House then I may be out at the Red house for the last couple of weeks in June. I don’t really have anything holding me in town once Rashell is out of school… well until I start school anyway. LOVE ME SOME LAKE TIME!!
Here it is in fast forward: Arrive, Read, arrivals, wine, food, wine, flirting, ditch the kid, pick up hotness and more food, return, flirting, more arrivals, food, wine, naked time, breasts, room sharing, sleep, food, kid in the lake, departure number one, kid gets returned, wine, kid sleeps at neighbors, more sexual innuendos, mass amounts of frivolity, knitting, wine, all on one couch, wine, food, naked time… or not, I got carried to bed, awaken, coffee, leaving, cleaning, final inspection and now I am home!
Who wants to do it all again next weekend??
HOLY SHIT!
Monday, May 24th, 2010I … Insert incoherent stuttering here … wow.
I’m just sayin’ is all…
I am going to attempt to sleep now. I can still smell him on me. I can’t remember the last time I was so wet and so turned on!
YUM!
Social Butterfly
Sunday, May 2nd, 2010Did you know that I get really REALLY nervous when I go out? If I drive myself I get all quakey and shivery inside. I worry that the night is not going to go well or that I am going to make myself look stupid and be ashamed in the morning. Once I get to a place I am able to step in to character and go with the flow. I am able to leave my worry at the door, or at least bury it under the persona I put on. I did one hell of an amazing job of putting on the Shannon when I went out the other night! I had a blast, got to kiss a beautiful girl, got to flirt with the help and actually push the straight men who tried to touch me.
I am so nervous when it comes to flirting with women. It matters to me if they say yes or no. That is why men are so easy. I find one that looks like fun and think “Hrm, that would be fun and easy” and go hit on them. And right now I am so nervous about this school thing that I am looking for a … distraction.
I carry around a lot of self doubt and question myself at every turn. I am never sure that I can actually DO anything until it is done. I am also never sure I am worth it to the people I am dating. I am sure that has lead to a lot of selling myself short in the past, but now I have seen what life and relationships can feel like if I DON’T sell myself short. From here on out I act as if I AM worth it! (OK OK OK, so I have always been good at ACTING like I am worth it, I will start feeling like I am worth it!)