Posts Tagged ‘oops’
Protected: love letter … leave letter
Thursday, December 16th, 2010Protected: Ouch…
Thursday, December 9th, 2010So this is love
Wednesday, October 13th, 2010I have had that song stuck in my freaking head for days… It is a song that Cinderella and the prince sing to each other in the Disney cartoon. I actually wonder what Love is quite often. I mean I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love my family and my ‘family’ (you know who you are!).
Is it love when I feel the need to tuck you under my wing and take care of you for all time. Is it love when I would be willing to shoulder all of your burden for you, but know that you have to do it on your own. Is it love when I would stand beside you through everything, and let you walk away to deal with things on your own when that is what you want. Is it love when there really is no OTHER explanation of why you are here… Is it love when I need you? Is it love when I sleep better with you in my bed? Is it love when I am willing to stand by and let you fall on your face, and to help you up again.
I forgot what the hell this was about. Posting as is. *shrug*
Aw hell, why not?
Thursday, August 12th, 2010How it is that the one person who can make me feel so comforted and protected just by putting his arms around me, is also the one we all know isn’t good for me. I am still amazed at how I feel in his arms, and how turned on I am by his kisses. Shit, we were together for a year and he still makes my knees weak and my heart pound. There is this level of comfort between us… and I can read him so well. It helps that the sex is amazing, but some of that is how I feel about him.
Before everyone freaks out… I am not getting back together with my ex. He is just kinda, uh… coming around every once in a while. For fun. For comfort. For company. He did sleep in my bed, and I did have to change the sheets so I couldn’t smell him because that would make me miss him. I don’t want to miss him. I was to dismiss the fun once I have had it. If it happens again, it happens… if not so be it. I know there is just as much of a chance that I will see him again next week as there is of not hearing from him for 3 months. *shrug* And life goes on.
In other news: The more good, fun sex I have the more good, fun sex I want. I may be going crazy.
I got called a MILF Muahahahahaaa! That is hot (and he is STILL so freaking young)
I also got called beautiful by a guy who makes me melt a little. He is gorgeous and fun and sexy. All around quite yummy.
My life fucking rocks right now… and that makes me want to squash the little voice in the back of my head that is reminding me that what goes up must come back down. I tell that voice it can kiss my ass, and if it is very very good, it can also bite me.
Funk
Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010I feel like I am in a funk today… that usually means my period is right around the corner. But I guess this could be a come down from last week. I mean WOW, what a week!
Not only did Jeremy jump back in (and right back out again in a hurry), I also started training the baby fan boy (I am going to make some other woman very happy some day), I somehow fit a date in to my week as well, we also had the wedding, rehearsal dinner, girl night, indoctrination in to a family, joy, envy, LAUGHTER, the after party, making out with straight girls, a ton of drinking, short visits and a few sleep overs with Nick and some texts that never should have been sent. (and not all in that order!)
I heard things and did things that made me feel totally irresponsible this last week… I also heard things and did things that made me feel like I was on top of the world! Now I am going to take a bath and possibly do more yard work. I will figure myself out one of these days… or maybe I should just let the dark cloud of PMS run it’s course and decide that is all this is.
I feel like an idiot all over again when I say things like “I still wish I could love you enough for the both of us.” OY! I really need to get over myself.
Don’t … Stop
Monday, July 19th, 2010I am having Jeremy over for dinner on Friday evening. Now before you freak out, it is just dinner. He is SO sad again. I am aware that I can’t take that from him or for him. I am aware of what happens when I get pulled in to hopeless situations. I will not let myself fall in to the meat of the issue again. I will not let him pull me in either. The man needs a fucking friend… in a totally we are so not going to fuck way.
I know what it felt like to climb in to his world of addiction. I lived it for a year… I will not be doing that again, trust me. I am willing to lend a hand and a meal to put a smile in to his week. I would do the same for every one of you! I loved him too much to not offer what I can when he reaches for it. I will keep myself whole happy and unbroken. I like what I have in life now. It is time to find out if a friendship is possible here, and if it isn’t I am prepared to just walk away. It’s just dinner for crying out loud!
Don’t worry… I am done with people projects. I found kitting.
If I say “It’s just dinner” one more time will I be trying to convince you or me of that?
Critical Fumble
Saturday, June 26th, 2010I had to write to my coach today and tell him I have been ditching my workout for the past week or so. I almost feel like I dropped everything, and I am not even juggling a lot! Maybe I am starting to go mad from this staying at home thing, maybe it is something else. Great goddess I have gone a week without even wanting to have sex! I have not really been sleeping either… Bleh!
OK, so I went to the Dr yesterday because I am long overdue (3 years or something) to get my IUD checked on… apparently the strings are short, but she couldn’t say if that is a bad thing. I have also had the period that never ends (or random bleeding) for the last couple of weeks. On top of that my breast tissue started to feel all soft lumpy and just different. So I went to the Dr, and so you know what they had to say… STOP DRINKING SO MUCH COFFEE. That’s it. Unless something in my pap comes back and says cancer (VERY little chance of that) too much coffee is the issue… or so they think. OK, so I kinda really liked the Dr lady. She also told me to keep up the good work in paying attention to my body and to try and have sex on a regular basis. I almost Hugged her right then and there. And I have to take MORE medication for the stupid infection that will not die (no worries, it is non-transferable)
This whole not working thing, as much as I like to joke that it is great and all, has me totally stressed to the max. And it isn’t money… most people I talk to assume right off that it is money. I have never worried about that and I can afford everything (possibly including flying a friend up here for a couple of weeks). I feel useless. I want to be needed, and necessary. I want someone to depend on ME to get something done. I am highly self motivated, but I fear I am losing some of that as time goes on. I go to bed later and wake up later… I have weeks of laundry that either needs to be washed or folded, my house is a MESS and my garden is being taken over by weeds. I also made an old Shannon asshole comment to someone I really like (it involved the words “dating” … not said by me … and “booty call” … that was me.). My sister told me it was a mean thing to say, true or not.
I need to find my balance in life again… I think I stumbled and lost it.
New quest! OH YA!
Protected: Just another day…
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010Cycle 1 – Day 5
Sunday, April 18th, 2010Sorry this is all being written a bit late. I had a slight hiccup in my week… I may have eaten things that I shouldn’t have and drank a bit more wine that usual, but all in all I would say that I am much better today and NOT freaking out… ow back to the reason we are here.
Thursday: About the leg lifts. Do one leg at a time. Up, out, back and down. 20 altogether, ten per leg X3 Bridges, push ups on your knees for now. 30 crunches should hurt a little if you are doing them right.
| 10 push ups X3 | |
| 30 crunches X3 | |
| 20 Bridges X3 | |
| 20 leg lifts X 3 |
I did 2 “sets” before rehearsal and one set after. I should also tell you that no amount of pushing got me to 10 pushups in a row without a small rest after a couple of them. The bridges I did on the edge of the couch since I still can’t rest weight on my knees (I can finally lay down on my stomach without them hurting, just NO kneeling). That was interesting because first the couch was slipping, then the rug… Then I got the hang of it and did the second set of 20 all the way through without stopping to adjust the rug or the couch. The leg lifts were a little awkward since I wasn’t sure if the “out” meant to move the leg forward or backward once it was up, but I tried a few ways and found one that I felt used the most of the leg and went with it. If you could let me know a little more about what you want this exercise to look like that will be great… OY! and even now my muscles in my stomach hurt when I laugh (I am guessing that means that I did the crunches right)
What I had to eat: This is what I wrote down at work – Coffee, veggie jurquee, PB&A (peanuts, almonds, cane juice, dried strawberry, brown sugar, dried raspberry, vanilla extract, sea salt, strawberry juice concentrate, pure ground vanilla beans, natural raspberry flavor), raw almonds, coffee, water, Emergen-C, cheese enchiladas, I did take 2 bites of the spanish rice before I remembered “NO WHITE RICE” so I gave the rest away — that is where work ends and I got laid off and told I could leave anytime – I had brown rice and spinach with sour cream and garlic for dinner with a small glass of wine, some veggie jurquee and a Panda Bar. Then I woke up at around 2am and couldn’t get back to sleep so I had a rather large glass of wine and the last hidden stash of potato chips in the house (plain ruffles, and I hear by promise NOT TO REPLACE THEM so that I can’t have snack attacks in the middle of the night and eat them all), I may have also finished the rest of the Fritos… but don’t tell my mom *grin*
I know I ate more crap than usual…